to turn back the clock
by i m a g i n e dream b e
Summary: Her voice is like music, but it stabs at his ears, so he bleeds and sings along at the same time. He doesn't understand her. Hell, he doesn't understand himself. But he wishes he did. She's shot him down so many times, he might just deflate on his own.R


**A/N: So here's my first fic for this pairing. Teehee. Please review before favoriting, as those reviews are what keep me going. Cause it's like real life people are telling me "Oh, hey, I like this!" or "Oh, hey, this bit is kind of strange, d'you mind not doing that next time!" or "This is bollocks!"**

**Yeh. **

**I'm still experimenting with this style, so let me know :)**

**Reviews appreciated :D obviously.**

**Disclaimer: I no own. Sob sob, and all that.**

%#%

First Year

He smirks.

It's just a smirk, a harmless smirk.

And Lily rolls her widened green eyes, and spins on her heel, and leaves, face as red as her interesting hair.

And James is left, perplexed, before he shrugs and walks away.

%#%

He stares. Just a bit.

She catches him, and rolls her eyes some more, and glares daggers at him.

Professor McGonagall asks if they're having some sort of issue that they need to handle at _thisparticularmoment._

He so badly wants to say yes, because he is _sounsure_ of what's going on and why he can't get _Lily bloody Evans_ out of his head.

She says no, and he grimaces to himself.

She regains her pale complexion and glances angrily at him for getting her in trouble.

_Uh-oh_, he thinks. _Here it comes._

%#%

Second Year

He stares after her in the hallway as she drops her bag and turns around, flushed.

She scans the corridor, checking that no one has seen her embarrassing moment, and her gaze lands on _him_.

He winks.

It's just a wink, a useless wink.

And Lily flushes more, and glowers at him.

"Don't you have somewhere _else_ to be? You're ruining my day."

Her words are like ice daggers as she hoists her bag over her shoulder.

And he wonders what _exactly_ he did wrong.

%#%

Third Year

He calls her name down a corridor. It's just him, and her.

_(And Nearly-Headless Nick, but he doesn't count.)_

"Hey, Li— Evans, will you—?"

She doesn't even turn to acknowledge him as she rounds the corner and keeps watching.

Sir Nicholas is trying not to laugh.

All James can think about is his unhealthy fixation.

%#%

He eventually catches her.

She says no.

He blinks a couple times behind his thick glasses, before repeating his question, slowly.

"I'm not mentally handicapped, nor am I deaf, Potter."

Her voice is like music, but it stabs at his ears, so he bleeds and sings along at the same time.

"No, but your judgment appears to be a little impaired."

He winks and smirks at the same time. Bad choice. Bad habit.

She slaps him and walks away.

Sirius roars in laughter as he cradles his face in awe.

%#%

Fourth Year

"If you were in my garden, I'd think even roses and tulips and petunias were weeds."

It's just a joke, a inane joke.

And Lily scoffs, and gives a reply and it _wounds_.

And he stares after her as she leaves, wiping her eyes, and wondering why she is so sensitive.

(He also wants her to stop crying, a little bit.)

(And he doesn't know _why_.)

%#%

Fifth Year

She will not talk to him after the lake incident.

Sometimes he wishes he could turn back the clock, stop himself from creating that incident.

Stop himself from being a prat.

Stop her from being friends with _scum_ that obviously didn't care about her enough.

If he could only turn back the clock.

But, alas, no one will get him a time turner.

Maybe for his next birthday?

%#%

Sixth Year

He avoids her like the plague.

Frankly, she is far too scary.

But he sneaks peeks of her every now and again, reveling in the times that she smiles, and wishing he could hold her in her sorrow.

He doesn't understand her.

Hell, he doesn't understand himself.

But he wants to.

(Understand her, that is.)

(although— a little self awareness never hurt anybody.)

Sirius hits him with a textbook as he tells him this.

Ah, the irony.

%#%

"Let's try again."

He holds out his hand, and this is his time turner— to not change the past, but to affect the future, instead.

Sounds like something right out of one of her books.

But what was he supposed to do?

_(She was crying, and he does seem to have a bit of a hero complex when it comes to her.)_

She frowns at him, eyes red, and twitches her own hand, thinking.

And he flinches, unknowingly, because he's been on the receiving side of that hand _far_ too many times.

And her eyes widen in shock at his genuine fear, and she wonders if she was too hard on him.

Too angry.

Too violent.

Too unnecessarily mean.

And so she smiles uncertainly and puts her hand in his.

"I'm James."

"Lily."

And James smiles.

%#%

Seventh Year

"Why are your eyes like Christmas?"

Lily shoots up from her little corner, and James raises an eyebrow at her shocked expression.

"Pardon?"

"Why are your eyes like Christmas?"

Lily pauses, and stares at him, wondering if he's aware that he's making _nosensewhatsoever_.

(No sense. Nonsense. Her brain works in strange ways.)

"Well, I already know that they're a stunning green. But why are they red?"

"Because I was crying." She states obviously, and a little pathetically, eyes welling up again.

He holds out his arms and holds her like he's wanted to since at least fourth year if not longer ago, and she shudders in his grip.

"Yes, but you shouldn't be. He wasn't worth it."

He whispers this into her hair, and her shoulders lose their tense posture as she relaxes with a sigh, wondering how he knows exactly what she's thinking about.

Eventually she quiets down and smiles into his chest.

%#%

He's a mess, and he knows why.

He does now.

Because he's fancied little miss Lily Evans for a while now.

And now it's _seventh year._

And now it's almost over.

And he may never see—

But he doesn't want to think about that.

Not now.

That's why he's doing this.

He needs to work up the courage again.

She's shot him down so many times; he might just deflate on his own.

"Evans?"

She lifts an eyebrow, eyes dancing as she smirks at him.

He sits next to her and tries again and again.

"Listen, I—"

"You know, I—"

"I really care—"

He takes a deep breath, and isn't sure how she got so close to him, but her eyes are _rightthere_ and _ohgodhe'smakingafooloutofhimselfagain_.

He closes his eyes and shudders.

And then Lily laughs as he chokes on his tongue.

"Yeah, course I will."

And his eyes snap open as she beams at him and they lean in.

(And yes, they kiss.)

And it's bloody amazing.

%#%

_**Please review! Please! :D**_

_**Yes, I'm being desperate.**_

_**T_T**_


End file.
